What Do You Do When Father’s Day Sucks?

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What do you do when Father’s Day sucks?!

I’m just throwing this out there – into the great big nothingness we call the internet…

I love my Dad. He doesn’t know or believe that I do.

He was the Co-Dependent Enabling Peacekeeper to my Mom.

Yes, I love her too.

That’s the problem.

God created us to love our parents, even if they are monsters or the care-takers to monsters.

It’s been a difficult day for me.

You see, eleven years ago, I hugged my Dad for the last time. I didn’t know it then. I didn’t. But just a few weeks later he wrote us off and walked out of our lives.

My Dad is amazing. He was a Marine – almost 30 years. He survived two tours of duty in Vietnam, as well as countless other skirmishes…

I could list all of his military accomplishments but, heck, you know our world…

My Dad could do anything.

He was a master craftsman. He could build anything. One of my favorite fragrances is pine. I grew up with the sound of woodworking tools. They are as soothing to me as the soulful sounds of the Jazz Greats. I can close my eyes and feel the silky sawdust between my fingertips.

He could repair anything. I grew up watching him make repairs to not only our house but other people’s houses. I remember being a very young girl and watching him repair a heater in the neighbor’s house in the middle of winter. This made me feel so proud and honored to be his daughter.

My Dad could make me laugh until I cried. I would beg him to stop while secretly hoping he never, ever would.

My Dad taught me about the big things: honesty, integrity, character – in short, how to be a Christian – for real.

He taught me, by example, how to give your all to any job you were given. To do your very best, no matter how small or insignificant.

My Dad taught me other things too. Things that aren’t so great or wonderful.

He taught me to be a peacekeeper. To give and give, even when you are being treated as nothing more than a doormat.

He taught me to overlook another person’s abuse in order to maintain the status quo.

He taught me to ignore my own pain in order to perpetuate the lie of perfection.

He taught me to be afraid – very afraid – of rejection. And to be willing to do anything and everything to prevent it from ever happening. Even if it means betraying the very ones you are sworn to protect and defend.

I love my Dad. He doesn’t know or believe that I do.

And this is why Father’s Day sucks – at least for me…

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