Thoughts on Genuine from the Heart Forgiveness…
For me, forgiveness has been a natural by-product of my continued healing and recovery. It wasn’t something I set out to do – like an objective or goal. In fact I didn’t believe it possible.
Rather than focusing on forgiving as a rule or law (I am a Christian btw) I chose to just walk out the process of healing one step at a time – focusing on what was in front of me and only that.
I believe people can get stuck by trying to follow religious law and never get to really experience freedom and peace way down deep within.
We can say we forgive – yet continue to feel the rage and pain. That is torment not freedom. We can’t live in that painful conflicted state.
For me, as I have continued to work through painful memories and events I discovered something I was never aiming for – compassion.
It took me aback me at first. It made absolutely no sense to my reasoning brain. I remember asking my therapist if she believed I was being honest about my feelings about the event. She smiled and said yes.
Compassion has led to mercy which by definition means forgiveness.
This has led to a place of freedom and unity within me. I am slowly being freed from conflicted feelings, emotions, and beliefs.
I can’t truly explain how that has taken place but I can say that I have been steadily working through my pain for over 22 years. It has been ugly. And it has hurt. There is no other way I can describe it.
So – should we forgive? Do they deserve forgiveness? Why should we forgive them?
I don’t have the answers for these questions but I will say based on my own personal experience don’t let a rule be your focus. It’s not about the abuser. It’s about you and your healing. Let your focus be on whatever you are experiencing today – in this moment. Continue to walk out your healing/recovery. There are no hard and fast rules because each of us are unique and the abuse has impacted us differently.
I hope this helps. As a Christian I don’t ever want to appear “religious” because that is not who I am. I believe it is through Relationship – not rules – that I am being made well. But it is a process and I don’t believe it can be rushed or dictated how and when certain things will be felt.
Trust your heart. 😊