Monthly Archives: October 2013

Dead Things

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“Why do you look for the living among the dead?” Luke 24:5b

This question struck a cord in me this morning.

So many times we look for our “needs” to be met among things that are dead – or – that are lacking in real power to meet our need.

We try to fill our emotional hunger with things like shopping, eating, social activities, gaming, TV viewing, drinking, drugs, sex. The list is endless.

But each of these “things” lack the power to truly and fully meet our need. They are, in a sense, dead. Powerless. Impotent.

We need to seriously ask ourselves what dead things we are personally seeking. We need to question why we are using dead things to meet those needs? Then we need to make a conscious decision to choose to seek the Living One as the only Source of Life that can and will thoroughly meet our need to the uttermost.

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Hunger

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Hunger

Deep need.
Emotional famine.
Wanting to be seen,
Really seen.

Invisiblely visible.
Intentional slight.
Reopens the wound,
Baring the soul.

Sent spiraling down
Into the dark abyss.
Overwhelmed.
Engulfed.

Scraps.
Fragments.
Morsels.
Yearning for more.

Oh to be seen!
Really seen.
Acknowledged.
Valued.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

Stealing

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Stealing

Lack.
Neglect.
Meanness.
Spite.

My experience.
My reality.

Abundance.
Excess.
Greed.
Waste.

But not for me,
Not ever for me.

Conformity.
Yes, when no is meant.
Compliance,
As if without will.

But I had a will
And I used it.

Manipulating.
Sneaking.
Lying.
Taking.

All to meet the need.
Yet forever unfulfilled.

Void.
Emptiness.
Sorrow.
Shame.

Desperate to stop.
Impotent to do so.

Grace.
Forgiveness.
Provision.
Rest.

As I look to You,
Only to You.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

She Is…

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She is…

She is…

A little girl in a constant war
All she wants is something more.
Each day she works to understand
Charged with being the one at fault,
With words as brittle as the sand,
Forced at age three to be an adult.
Wondering what it is she lacks,
She is willing to go anywhere but back.

She plays the part
In keeping the lies,
She is blind to the heart
And blind to the eyes.

She buries her pain behind an empty smile,
Every step in her life is like a mile.
Wishing everything was just a dream,
Wanting someplace safe to run.
Face to face with only what seems,
There is more to this than what has been done.
In her eyes, reality has too strong a hold,
Lies have already been bought and sold.
She realizes there is more to this,
There is more to this than the obvious.

She puts on a front
Everyday acts,
For the truth is too blunt
For her to face the facts.

A little girl on her own.
A mask is all that covers.
Her secrets are only God known.
Tomorrow is already over.
For her, tomorrow is had and done,
Yes, for her, relief is none.

Silence for now is her friend.
She lives a life of pretend.
In an effort to keep things going good,
How much she thought she understood,
Was not only lies but wasted time
All suffered for someone else’s crime.

Fear and denial take their turn with fate
Maybe later will come too late.

She lives life to the subtle.
She tolerates just to settle.
So much in her life to regret
She hides her face from what is true,
Nothing any more is a safe bet.
No one knows what she has been through.
All she wanted to have was never given.
All she wanted to hear was never spoken.

A teenager lost to the lies so fake
Through God’s grace she is able to cope.
Only by the Love of the Cross’s sake
Tomorrow leaves a ray of hope.
For tomorrow is far from had and done,
Yes, tomorrow, can still be won.

As she faces the years of her past,
She looks beyond what has been cast.
Not willing to ignore the Sacrifice,
She is no longer ignorant to the gift of the Cross.
She now realizes the full price
Hope to her is not at loss.
Through God’s Mercy and Love’s Chance
She is no longer a victim of circumstance.

A young woman full grown
Is able to look for more ways,
Only by God’s grace alone
Tomorrow is a new day.
Yes tomorrow is had and done,
Yes, in HIM, her battles are won.

It is because of her my burden is less.
It is because of her I am who I am.
It is because of her I can face the darkness.
It is because of her I know that I can.
It is because of her I do not give way.
It is because of her I know what is true.
And I for one am proud to say,
Mom,
She is you.

~ Ashley Lauren Andrews

You Were There

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You Were There

When I was ridiculed,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was ignored and regarded as nothing,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was cast out from the group,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I swallowed hard in an attempt to conceal the lump in my throat,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I wanted to go to sleep and never wake again,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was afraid and didn’t know what to expect,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I had no one to offer me comfort,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I had no one to hold me tight and tell me they loved me,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was humiliated,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was unjustly accused,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I suffered abuse,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was misunderstood,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I denied the pain in my soul, even to my own self,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I felt so inadequate and ill-equipped for the task,
You were there
And You covered me.

When what I attempted ended in failure,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was betrayed by one I confided in,
You were there
And You covered me.

When shame was all I knew to the very core of my being,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I had no defense and no one to plead my case,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was guilty as charged and powerless to resist,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I was rejected once again by one I believed to be true,
You were there
And You covered me.

When I tried hard to fight back the tears,
You were there
And You covered me.

When, at last, I could no longer contain the cries,
You were there
And You covered me.

When all I could utter were silent screams,
You were there
And You covered me.

When my fists were clenched in unmitigated rage with no understanding of why,
You were there
And You covered me.

When my anger turned inward on myself,
You were there
And You covered me.

When anger turned inward grew into self-hatred,
You were there
And You covered me.

When at last You revealed the anger I felt was directed at You,
You remained
And You covered me.

As I look back
I am only beginning to see
You were there.

Always
Faithful
Abiding
Long-suffering
Patient

And all the while…
You covered me.

Never at any moment
Did You turn Your face from me
Leaving me to my own.

Not for one second
Was I out of Your sight
Isolated
Cut-off
Rejected
Abandoned

No!
No!
A thousand times no!

For You were always there
And You covered me.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

The Old Rusty Shed

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The Old Rusty Shed

Accused.
Assailed.
Cursed.
Rejected.

What was the charge?
What had I done?
Speechless.
Motionless.

Scorned.
Betrayed.
Outcast.
Forsaken.

Abandoned.
Despairing.
Defeated.
Broken.

Anger.
Rage.
Resentment.
Hatred.

Surrounded.
Alone.
Public place.
Private war.

I hate you.
I can’t hate you.
I hate me.
I am bad.

But I’m not bad.
I’ll show you.
I’m good.
I’m not what you say I am.

I’ll prove it to you.
I’m better than you.
I’m not you.
I’m me.

Me!

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews