Hating My Own Humanity
So many times in the recovery process
I lose my footing and slip and fall.
Then I feel guilty and condemned.
Thoughts of giving up and quitting
Swirl about my head.
When I find myself in this pitiable place,
I hate my weaknesses.
I hate my failures.
I hate my humanity.
I hate myself.
I slide into a deep depression
And I feel so far away from You.
But the truth is that You’ve never
At any time abandoned me –
Not even when I’m at my worst.
The truth is that You knew
I was going to slip and fall.
The truth is that You know
Each and every one of my failures –
Past, present and future –
And, yet, You love me still.
You see way down deep
On the inside of me –
A heart that is wholly devoted
And wholly in love with You.
This is all that matters to You –
Not my weaknesses,
Not my failures,
Not my humanity,
Not even my own miring self-pity.
I love You so much –
Mere words cannot possibly convey.
And yet, no matter how much I love You –
You love me far more
And will never, ever let me go.
~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews