Hating My Own Humanity


Hating My Own Humanity

So many times in the recovery process
I lose my footing and slip and fall.
Then I feel guilty and condemned.
Thoughts of giving up and quitting
Swirl about my head.

When I find myself in this pitiable place,
I hate my weaknesses.
I hate my failures.
I hate my humanity.
I hate myself.

I slide into a deep depression
And I feel so far away from You.

But the truth is that You’ve never
At any time abandoned me –
Not even when I’m at my worst.

The truth is that You knew
I was going to slip and fall.

The truth is that You know
Each and every one of my failures –
Past, present and future –
And, yet, You love me still.

You see way down deep
On the inside of me –
A heart that is wholly devoted
And wholly in love with You.

This is all that matters to You –
Not my weaknesses,
Not my failures,
Not my humanity,
Not even my own miring self-pity.

I love You so much –
Mere words cannot possibly convey.
And yet, no matter how much I love You –
You love me far more
And will never, ever let me go.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

About unabashedhope

The name Unabashed Hope comes from my favorite poem by Emily Dickinson. Unabashed means not embarrassed, disconcerted or ashamed. I believe Emily's poem, Hope is the Thing with Feathers, says it best: Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm. I've heard it in the chilliest land And on the strangest sea; Yet, never, in extremity, It asked a crumb of me.

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