Unlearning the Old Lessons
I wasn’t taught what truth is.
I wasn’t taught integrity.
I wasn’t taught character.
I wasn’t taught honesty.
I wasn’t taught openness.
I wasn’t nurtured.
I wasn’t shown the love I needed.
I wasn’t shown acceptance.
I wasn’t shown unconditional love
Coupled with proper discipline.
I wasn’t shown how valuable
And precious I was.
I wasn’t praised for my talents
Or instructed on how to use them.
I wasn’t taught or helped
When I didn’t understand.
I wasn’t taught what was good
And what was bad
And how to say, “no” when necessary.
I wasn’t taught how to recognize
And care for my needs.
I wasn’t taught how to love
And care for others
In a healthy balanced way.
I wasn’t taught about the Father
And how wonderful and loving He is.
I was taught that He was to be feared
And that I was unworthy to approach Him
For anything I needed.
I was taught He didn’t have time for me.
I was taught He didn’t care about me or my hurts.
I was taught that He was an ogre
Waiting to strike the moment I failed.
I was taught that He was unmerciful.
I was taught that He didn’t care about me
Any more than my own earthly father did.
I was taught that it was okay
For people to abuse me
And for me to do nothing
To protect or defend myself.
I was taught not to seek justice
For the wrongs done against me.
I was taught that a lie was the truth
And the truth something to be twisted into a lie.
I was taught that secrets
Were the only way to survive
And keeping them was paramount to all else.
I learned just how little I was worth.
I learned how to fear.
I learned how to remain silent.
I learned how to not feel.
I learned how to lie in order to please.
I learned how to read minds
And react accordingly.
I learned how to deny my own reasoning.
I learned to be manipulated and controlled.
I learned never to say, “No.”
I learned to hate, loathe, and despise myself.
I learned shame.
I learned guilt.
I learned bitterness.
I learned anger.
I learned hatred.
I am in the painful process
Of sifting and sorting through
Everything I’ve ever learned.
Exposing the lies.
Discovering the Truth.
I am growing in grace, maturity and beauty.
I am becoming more and more like my Daddy.
I am learning to accept what He says about me
As Truth and to reject and refuse all else as lies.
~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews