Monthly Archives: September 2013

Longing

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Longing

Thank You,
For meeting me where I am.

Thank You,
For not demanding that I come to You.

Thank You,
For bridging the gap.

Thank You,
For breathing Your Peace deep inside of me.

Thank You,
For drawing near to me.

Thank You,
For loving me enough to meet me here.

You are my heart’s desire.
I am desperate for You.
I am reaching out to You,
Longing for more and more of You.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

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Everlasting Love

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Everlasting Love

You have always been there.
You’ve watched as I reached out
In vain to false idols
Trying to gain the love
And acceptance my soul craved.

You knew they would only cause me pain.
It grieved Your heart as You watched
Me give myself time and time again
To an idol that would only break my heart
And add another wound to
My already scarred and marred soul.

All the while You stood by,
Calling out to me, wooing me,
And drawing me to You.
You wanted me more than
I will ever want You.
You loved me more than
I will ever be able to love You.
You waited, patiently,
Sometimes aching in pain
Over my choices,
Aways making the same offer to me.

An Everlasting Love.
One without end.
One that would fill the void in my soul.
One that would bind up every wound
And heal every scar.
One that would meet every need
I would ever have.
One that would never fail,
Never abandon,
And never leave me on my own.

Together we are killing
The pain of yesterday.
We are crying the tears
That have never been cried.
You are comforting places
That have never been touched
And healing places
That have long been infected.
You are gently bringing life
And restoration to the painful places
Of my soul.

It is the Everlasting Love
That I have always longed for,
Craved, sought, and cried out for.
It is You!
My Everlasting Love.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

Faith

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Faith

I know You see the tears I cry.
I know You’re touched by the pain I feel.
I know that You see the fight
And the struggles I endure.
All of this pleases You.

It is not my pain that causes You to smile –
Nay it is what I do with that pain.
It is how I react to the lesson.
It is what I glean and learn from the experience.
My faith is what brings You pleasure.

I will not give in.
I will not give up –
No matter how hard or difficult the road may be.
My faith grows stronger with each new lesson.
Even when I falter, I still grow.
All of this pleases You.

There is a new day on the horizon.
There is a new me being created.
The old is dying and steadily losing her power.
The new is growing and emerging little by little.
All of this pleases You.
And this, in turn, pleases me.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

The Process

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The Process

Sometimes, I’m strong.
Sometimes, I win the battle easily.
This makes me feel as though
I’m never going to fall again.

Sometimes, I’m weak and stumble.
Sometimes, I lose the easiest of conflicts.
This makes me feel as though
I’m never going to overcome.

Both of these conclusions are wrong.
It’s all part of the process.
The process of recovery.
The process of growth.
The process of change.

The good, the bad,
The difficult, the easy –
It’s all part of the journey.
I’m only a failure when I quit and give up.
I’m only a failure when I refuse to try.

Thank You for the power of Your Grace
That generously flows when I’m falling hard.
Thank You that there is indeed an Eden awaiting me
And You are standing there cheering me on.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

Seen and Heard

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Seen and Heard

You hear every cry I utter,
No matter how faint.
You understand every exhale of breath,
No matter how low.

You are touched by all of my hurts,
Even those created by my own hand.
You care for me in ways,
No one else ever has.

You are the Father I never had.
You have always watched over me.
I have never been beyond your reach.
For this, and so much more, I love You.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

I Know that You Will

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I Know that You Will

I am waiting,
Waiting for You.
I know that You will come.
I know that You will meet me here.

I give You all of me.

My hopes.
My dreams.
My fears.
My weakness’.
My strengths.

Come into my life.

Heal me.
Deliver me.
Change me.
Complete me.
Perfect me.

I know that You will.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

Hating My Own Humanity

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Hating My Own Humanity

So many times in the recovery process
I lose my footing and slip and fall.
Then I feel guilty and condemned.
Thoughts of giving up and quitting
Swirl about my head.

When I find myself in this pitiable place,
I hate my weaknesses.
I hate my failures.
I hate my humanity.
I hate myself.

I slide into a deep depression
And I feel so far away from You.

But the truth is that You’ve never
At any time abandoned me –
Not even when I’m at my worst.

The truth is that You knew
I was going to slip and fall.

The truth is that You know
Each and every one of my failures –
Past, present and future –
And, yet, You love me still.

You see way down deep
On the inside of me –
A heart that is wholly devoted
And wholly in love with You.

This is all that matters to You –
Not my weaknesses,
Not my failures,
Not my humanity,
Not even my own miring self-pity.

I love You so much –
Mere words cannot possibly convey.
And yet, no matter how much I love You –
You love me far more
And will never, ever let me go.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

The Depths

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The Depths

I can try to wish it away
Or I can choose to turn
And face it head on.

I am beginning to realize
That not all feelings
Are good feelings
But all feelings are good.
It sounds like an oxymoron.

But if I refuse to accept
The negative feelings
And block or deny them
I will never be free
To experience the good feelings.

Without pain there can be no joy.
This is difficult for me
To understand or grasp
But I am trusting You to show me.

Instruct me and allow me
To experience the full depth
Of all that is locked up
On the inside of me.

It is time.
And there is strength
Buried deep within me.
I am a survivor!
I am a victor!

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews

Thank You

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Thank You

Thank You, Daddy,
for pushing and pulling me
Through this healing journey.
I know that I can be stubborn
And stiff-necked so often.

Thank You for staying
Right beside me and doing
What is best for me
– even if I don’t think it is at the time.

Thank You for all of it
– the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I trust that You know
Exactly what I need.

I trust You to reveal
What has long been buried
And hidden way down deep
On the inside of me.

Thank You for teaching
And instructing me.
Thank You for all the lessons
– the difficult as well as the pleasant.

Thank You for answering
My endless questions.
Thank You for holding my hand
And walking me through
Each and every maze
– leading me into ever
Increasing areas of freedom.

I trust You.
I love You.
I yield to You
And Your will.

I give myself over to
Your specialized methods.
Thank You for sticking
With me every time I’ve
Pushed You away
And run from Your Hand.

Thank You for remaining
By my side even when
I blame You for all
That I am going through.

For all this, and more
Thank you.
I trust You.
Help me to trust You more.

~ Laurie Pontious-Andrews